I'm running out of gas. Just when I thought the parade of studio is over, the circus of the booth and workshop soon followed. My gung ho week has now become weeks, and I'm beginning to get more n more annoyed with the thought of driving to college to n fro, day by day.

I choose to be apart of all this. I want to, with all the shyts that comes with it. Why would I subject myself to such treatment if my intentions lies otherwise. Of course, I would rather be able to sleep and awake by myself, and dream of bowling pins and zombies. Not with the aid of the alarm clock, which annoys me more n more, snooze by snooze. For sure, I want to be able to do nothing and nothing at all at home, metaphorically rotting whilst literally stoning and sulking for whatever the reason, in front of a computer or television screen and complain that I am sien and have nothing to do. And yes, I'd like to call my peers out, meet at random times and odd places doing the most spontaneous of acts, simply because we can. But yea, I cannot. Not yet at least.

Maybe it's a point of proving myself to others. More importantly, to myself. I am a tad arrogant like that, thinking that I can do all these things that I set out to do. And to a certain extent, I know I can. So why should I prove myself to others? To be truthful, I have no freaking idea. I do gain some satisfaction in being able to prove others wrong, to be able to say "I told you so, you mtf&@!#*^!@*!@", without verbally doing so. But I guess it's fair to say that I want the experience. I want the achievement. I don't want to grow old and grow a belly whilst looking back at this peculiar time of my life and say, "Backside, why didn't I join" or "I knew I should have applied for this instead of that", in a grumpy tone. I want to at least be able to tell my grandchildren that their grandpa was an awesome architect student, so at least if I fail as a practicing architect, it would be proven that I am awesome studying the subject. As I continue typing, I just realise how wtf I must be sounding like speaking of grandbabies, when I myself don't know how being a grandpa is related to all this.

Nevertheless, I am effortlessly enjoying myself through it all. Amazing how dejavu things can be too. Just when I thought Angel was over, another stage design pops up. Just when I thought ping pong balls are done with, another site installation is required. And so, I am basically retaking studioone in a two-week crash course, hopefully being able to impress again. Hopefully able to experience and achieve. Audaciously.

Kill me now. A change is so definitely coming.