kijun | of drama, shades and edifices
kill me if you dare, hold my head up everywhere.
20091219 - 23:43

"An experimental venture in designing spaces whereby a basic, unsophisticated folding technique is arithmetically repeated in forming complex geometric patterns. The interest is to confer an impression of individual polyhedron structures throught the expression of multiplicity in the folded polygons. The folded geometry becomes a a rigid space structure constructed from interlocking struts in a statistical pattern and manner, remaining consistent throughout the building's tectonic."

I looked forward to this only to look back at it. This project will forever remain to me as one that is finished but never complete. Compromises had to be made in the interest of time and frustration, all in which pointing towards a lackluster product of a so called building. Paper folding was such an uncharted territory that every direction I took seemed to lead me to the same ending, in which I did not like. What I foreseen was not to be seen, what I presumed was never resumed. "This is so not what I wanted to do."

So I've been working at an architectural firm near Ampang Park for the past 3 weeks. Had to begin my internship during this break due to certain undesired arrangements predecided for me, though I must say that the experience in a whole has been motivating so far. The range of my labour has been pretty extensive, which is what I am looking for in terms of how an internship should be. I am not made to be a kuli (though I have been directed to dust models & rearrange catalogues), neither am I made responsible in making decisions regarding the design of a project (though I have been given the freedom to alter a 3d model to how I see fit).

The scope of work of the firm is impressive, the manner and system in which they work is one to be observed as well. An office of 10 staff strong, all in which are architects in their own rights. What might be presumed of a firm having an established draftsman, a skilled model maker, and a godlike 3d renderer is not exactly as it seems. Instead of sharing the work based on skill, work is divided based on projects. As such, 2employees would be in charge of a particular project, doing the CADs, Sketchups, working drawings, & renderings all by themselves. Being an intern in an office of such a size is rather satisfying too, makes you feel less insignificant compared to if you are working in a firm consisting of 70employees and you are the sadness of the intern getting the peanuts of pays. I guess the only downside of it all is the fact that I have to take the public transport. No offence to those who do, but a journey where most of the time you have to be stuffed in a carriage full of rude msians is not exactly one that can be tolerated.

As if I have not enough preoccupations, anxieties and concerns have never been so taxing. Over the past week I have achieved much more than I thought I would during my time in college. Yet I only can see the bad in all that's good, and the mistakes in all that's succeeded. I dislike how I got here, and how I'm expected to be and react. I hate how I must redefine my principles and indirectly give cause for concerns to those who concern of me. And I loathe how my friendships had to come into play when instead, obligations of others should have been present.

As a result, others have to pay for my faults in judgements, and the debt seems to be increasing by the second. What makes it even more pathetic is that all I can do is sit n watch whilst I watch others repair my own mistakes. I has to flippin stoop to the absolute lowest of valleys in the eyes of my friends, while to the eyes of others, it seems as if I'm taking advantage of them. Dammit I hate the perception, and I hate the seemingly inevitable outcome. I don't want to loop my tongue n twist my stories anymore. I want to be an architect, not a blardy politician.